I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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