So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
