Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
