I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
