I'm drive I can fine osifer
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
