tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
