My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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