i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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