we're chasing vodka with high fives
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
