my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This baby is an asshole
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
