he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
