I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
