i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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