i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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