Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
