Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
