I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
