Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
