speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
