the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
