Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
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100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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