the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
please come you make the beer taste better
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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