if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
