I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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