idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
