We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Bring me that man meat
True strength comes from lack of pants
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
