Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
