meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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