You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
