I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
