I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
