can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
