I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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