how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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