maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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