I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
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She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
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I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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