its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
