I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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