did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
