So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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