just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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