I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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