Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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