Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
