Don't you send me to vm
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
