But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
