we're blogging at a bar
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
