My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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