I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
