Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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