i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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