found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
