i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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