Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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