The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
