I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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