I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
