seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
