I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
