I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
