You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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