I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
