If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
