that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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