i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
