see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
