Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
