I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
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