Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
