she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize