I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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