Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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