dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Need sex. Gaining weight.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She bit a glass in half.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
