Pappa wants mamma naked
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dicks are not precious.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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