It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
