hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
